The Longest Dream (12.30.09)

Part One: Lost

I was lost in the wilderness,

Attempting to escape claws and tangling ravines.

A wilderness that held my true colors and passions,

But my colors faded away into everything else.

I needed to stand out,

I had to stand alone,

By myself.

 

Lost in transitions,

I ran in multiple directions.

My own path was windy,

Filled with distractions,

Filled with guilt,

Filled with curiosity,

Filled with doubt.

 

Part Two: I Want To Be Art

An October day offered me new colors. It placed a brush and pallet in my hands.

I was gifted a magical wall and the love flowed out of me.

My colors blended into the concrete, becoming one.

And I became a little girl again.

Nothing mattered, except the present;

You didn’t matter.

He didn’t matter.

And neither did she.

It was just me and the colors of life.

Colors of creation.

With Mountains and Oceans,

The Lightning and Fire,

The Rain Drops and Snow Flakes,

The Clouds and the four Winds,

The Rainbow and the Seashells,

The Flowers and Trees,

I danced cumbias with them all.

 

Somehow it made sense,

This is what everyday should look like…

This is what life should be…

Creation and Art.

 

A wish, a want, a need was born!

I wish to paint like the wind does, all across the sky.

I want to be movement the way the mountains rise.

I need to reach my dreams and the passing clouds.

I want to create.

I want to be Art.

 

Part Three: Doubt

But I doubted myself,

I doubted my destiny.

Unknowing where to begin or continue,

Love laughed at me,

Love made me feel ashamed,

Love made me want to disappear,

And yet I held onto love with all my strength.

I doubted who I needed to become.

A daughter who could be responsible,

A writer who could be infinite with words,

A painter who could paint walls around the world,

A friend who could listen, give time and compassion.

A woman of wisdom who flies with the owls and speaks only when needed.

A woman to share love with all who are worthy.

I was drenched in confusion,

Distracted without a core.

I could not be there for myself,

I prayed for my solitude.

I yelled at the past,

I made a mess of the present,

I denied the future,

I denied myself.

 

Part Four: The Need To Know

I needed to leave.

All these questions and doubts needed an answer.

I needed to know what my destiny would become.

So I flew off,  over pink mountains, past superstitious roads, and crawled up a mountain of Turtles.

I arrived and I prayed,

For everyone.

Myself,

I could not forget myself.

I thanked the ancestors,

I thanked the Hawk, the Crows, and the Ladybugs that joined me on my journey.

The Rock held me up,

The Sun began to set amongst the most expansive Sky I ever saw,

Dusk lasted a lifetime.

And the Cold moved in amongst the heat of the Fires.

 

I descended into the Arroyo,

The smell and dampness allowed me to remember.

I walked into my dream,

The Eagle and the Bat were one in the same

It was me, it was I

 

I was in the middle of my spiral,

my own transformation.

I felt lost searching for a place to call home by midnight.

Then a stranger showed me the way,

A stranger like an angel.

He shared love stories with me,

I shared my stories as well.

“There are no guarantees.”

“Stop being afraid,

Let love be love”, he said.

 

It made me nervous so i walked away.

 

Outside the cold went thru my spine,

I shook it off and starred at the tree.

Completely leafless,

But filled with spirits,

We looked up into the branches.

Two little love birds gave each other warmth.

The Tree did not protect them from the weather,

They just had each other.

This is all they needed,

Love.

 

Part Five: The Longest Dream

I dreamt the longest dream,

I met the older me.

She held my hand and answered my questions;

You are a painter.

You are a writer.

You are a daughter.

You are a dreamer.

You are a lover.

You are magic.

 

In my dream I had wings,

I glided with the Clouds,

The Road below was umber,

The Hawk was my guardian,

The Sky above was every yellow, orange and blue that ever existed.

I Woke up with the sun and chased it all the way to the ocean’s side

The west side, the wild-west, the concrete jungle that waits…

 

As the sun set I realized I was ready

Ready to love, forgive, be challenged, be blessed…

I am ready grandmother.

I am ready grandfather.

I laughed and cried with the wind.

I am ready.

The greatest me has arrived.

Into the city of angels,

I return to join you.

I am not waking up yet, I am living my dream…