Tag Archives: poetry

Who does she think she is?

12 Jan

I believe.

In myself

To do the things that no one else had time to do, that no one else could do.

Because surviving was more important than this writing

I was born into a different mode of continuance

Dependent on the need to express my complexities.

And it’s this entangled reality that is scary to even formulate into words, to draw and exhibit, to dance and let go of.

I do it anyways.

If I couldn’t write, if I couldn’t paint, if I didn’t dance, surely, I would cease to be.

To exist in these ways is intimidating.

But who am I to stop, all that must be generated.

To be let free, the ancestors before me stretch the walls of my skin.

They pound and they scratch, so I listen, carefully, to find a way to give them voice.

To let their pain be heard, to let their struggle continue, to let their hopes live on.

Through me

I acknowledge our inheritance and change what we make of it.

To laugh to what we once cried about, to love when we were once bruised and humiliated.

To birth when they ventured to extinguish us. And to rise when they expected to defeat us.

Every thought conveyed to words, every brush stroke that is shaped, every step that I spin, it isn’t even me.

I’m just a vessel of ancient wants and needs that are fighting to be.

It isn’t me. It is everyone before me.

I believe in myself.

Otherwise, I risk the dangers of our children, following a repentance that simply doesn’t belong | to them |anymore. 

This piece was inspired after reading “An Open Letter to Women Writers of Color”by Gloria Anzaldua. Bt it was posted because i was told by my friend (who use to pick on me in middle school /who now follows my blog) , “you should at least write something once a month”. Done. 

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i take it back

30 Apr

it should never be too late to demonstrate your love and affection towards someone special in your life. even post-relationship.

after thinking about it a little more, i realized i was being hypocrite. ive written tons of poems before, during, and after a relationship. and at every stage i didn’t share all my pieces for X amount of reasons. i know why i didn’t share it. i knew when it was right to read my poems to someone. and post-relationship… well it was my way of processing and acknowledging my truths and my feelings.

after the day you break up with someone, the love that was shared doesnt automatically wipe itself away. personally ,love has a habit of lingering around. even when i’ve been the one to make the executive decision of getting out of a relationship… theres always sooo much emotion left.

with all the emotions left it feels like im carrying a bunch of things in my arms that are falling all over the place. it feels crazy. you have to set them down somewhere. let them go somewhere. i usually get all melancholy and listen to Juan Gabriel and sing very loud. i also go and talk to the full moon. she always listens, and i can always be honest with her. but 9 times out of 10… i will usually just write. this is how i set things down. i leave them on paper. in notebooks. on laptops. in emails to myself. out of everything i write… maybe 10% ever goes out into daylight. my writings, my process, my truths, my confusion, my tears, my excitement, my imagination… these things live in notebooks sitting next to my bed.

im gonna put a zine together. im gonna search thru my journals and share them with the world… feelings deserve a place to live. even if they are feelings acknowledged post-relationship. feelings are truths. period. truths have rights! i will continue to find ways to liberate my truths!

Amazingly Beautiful: Mujeres de Maiz 2009

9 Mar

03.08.09: Mujeres de Maiz is an annual production in Los Angeles for International Womyn’s Day going on for 12 years strong. This year was absolutely amazing! Mujeres de Maiz hosted their event titled, “LA SAGRADA | THE SACRED WOMYN” at the Farmlab/Metabolic Studios of Downtown L.A. This was a great space for this production that included Ceremonia, an Art Gallery, film screenings, Altares, 3 stages of music, poetry reading, teatro, comedy and dance. Outside you could find vendors, Tamales de Pina (Pineapple), and Live Art done by female Graff artists. The 7th Zine was also published and was on popular demand.

Programming began at the park, where it once stood as a cornfield. A beautiful ceremony honoring womyn and our ancestors began at sunset.

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Everyone then followed the dancers to the FarmLab, a place to explore, promote and create projects of self sustainability combined with art. Like this car !

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The Art gallery featured some of the most talented artists in Los Angeles. Here are but a few pieces of the amazingness in this room:

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This was a beutiful installation. Everything about it was wonderful, the dress was made out corn husks, and the center piece on the floor included the 4 colors of maiz (corn) representing the 4 directions and the 4 races on earth.

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This is a picture of the film screening taking place. imgp7390

Outside there was good healthy food  like the tasty mushroom and spinach quesadilla. There were many vendors such as jewelery designers, fashion designers, authors, health educators, and more. I was caught up in the moment and didn’t take a picture. But hey, you can’t blame me for all the wonderful distractions and beautiful energy that I had to take in.

These are but a couple of the performers on the outside stage which included Medussa and Australian Chicana Maya Jupitor.. The first picture is Josefina Lopez, play write and screen writer for “REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES”. She read several poems which included her “Ode to Boyle Heights”, “Journey to Los Angeles” and a reminder to us all that, “All Women are Beautiful”. I have to mention this piece dedicated to all her ex-boyfriends. The crowd could not stop laughing, it was titled, “My Low Self-Esteem Days” and it goes likes this:

Si te quise fue porque I had low self-esteem.

If I swore i’d always be by your side, was because I had nothing better to do.

Si te dije you were a great lover, was because I had nothing better to compare it to.

If I said you and me were meant to be, was because I thought I couldn’t find any better.

Si te Dije que te amaba con todo mi alma, was because I hadn’t found myself.

If you think that now that time has passed, and my low self-esteem days are gone, that I’m a bitch, a whore, a liar.

Well the go ahead!

Cause you ain’t my master, my father, my hero, my lover…

Shit! I ain’t even gonna bother… to address your remarks.

Time has proved me stronger, I don’d need your approval any longer.

So today I aint even gonna bother…

To let you know how good it’s been…

with out you.

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This might not be my best picture of Josefina but this picture demonstrates her power. She’s definitely one of my Sheros. She’s brilliant, intelligent, and savvy. Very intuitive and inspiring. I took a playwriting workshop with her, and although I did not finish my play, I found something even more important, i found my identity as a writer.

SKIM was also a featured performer this night. SKIM is another one of my Sheros. She is a Korean American Hip Hop artist fusing cultures and musical genres. She has a great voice, amazing lyrical wisdom, and radiant energy. She came out with 4 other artists holding Korean drums. SKIM sang a Korean ballad turned Hip Hop called, “SARANG”, which means LOVE. I can’t express how dope she is. She just is and if you haven’t seen her perform you need to track her down for her next performance.

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So I was also waiting for one of my favorite bands to play. I was so excited to see them. And i have been seeing people taking pictures with their cute and sexy pins. I bought a couple of them and took a picture so I can send it to them. This picture was taken by Riku (thank you), he kept taking candid pictures of me so I had to keep posing, and finally D’Lo jumped into the picture. Anyone that knows D’Lo does not find this strange, she’s all over the place but with purpose. Always funny and entertaining. By far one of my favorite comedians.

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Unfortunately, I had to leave early. I had to go to our planning meeting for LA REINA, so I really hope all of you catch this production on April 11th, because Street Inc. is putting in some madd good work. I was bummed that I left early and I didnt get to dance to the sounds of LA SANTA CECILIA. I have to go to one of their performances sometime before this month ends. I need to get my fix !

So i have run out of synonyms for amazing and beautiful. But I can not describe this event any different. It was an AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL event and it makes me proud to a womyn from L.A. And it also makes me believe that …

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