6.1.10: My Ugly

I carry ugly in me
I can’t help it
It tags along
It slips into my belongings
Without me noticing
It speaks up
Her presence becomes known

I give her space
The ugly
I can not hide her
I do not try
Sometimes she cries
Mostly she likes to tell her stories

She hopes for some understanding
She’s ugly but she’s come a long way
Aren’t you proud of her?
I do not want to carry her in shame
I forgive her
But she makes me self-conscious

Will you go away because of her?
My ugly
She’s not that bad
She lives weaving and unweaving new stories
Don’t make her feel bad
She doesn’t always come out
She only wants a place in this fairytale

I hope you get to know her
My ugly
Please don’t judge her so much
Im sure you have an ugly too
Maybe they can get to know each other
We can find out we are made of human
Will you find it in your heart to love her too?

05.18.10: Nadar Desnudamente

quisas en la mar, mis sentimientos encuentren un hogar donde puedan nadar desnudamente. un mar obscuro donde nada importa, solo me dezliso entre el agua. un mar limpio que recibe todo lo que necesito dejar y lo hace desaparecer. un mar puro sin questiones de intenciones. un mar calido que con sus olas me abraze y me deja llorar.

afuera del mar, caminando en esta realidad, escondo mis emociones por miedo a tus reacciones. cubro mi cara y mis lagrimas para no causar mas novelas. duermo y despierto con un pecho pesado. no tengo a quien contarle todo lo que siento por miedo que me juzgen. preferio esperar en mi silencio hasta la noche para platicarle a la luna todas mis confuciones, todos mis deseos.

busco un rio que me invite a jugar como nina entre ella. busco un calor que exista para siempre. busco las revelaciones de mi destino. busco la magia para llevarme lejos. busco mis suenos debajo un arbol a la par de un rio, el rio que viaja hacia la mar, un mar obscuro, puro, limpio y calido, donde pueda nadar yo solita, con todo mi ser, desnudamente…

07.06.09: Mi Corazon quiere escribir

Mi Corazon quiere escribir
Quiere contar secretos
Quiere que reconoscan su lujo y brillo
Porque ya no aguante el silencio

Mi Corazon se siente rebelde
Quiere correr
Quiere subir montanas
Porque ya no aguanta estar encerrada

Mi Corazon cree en romance
Le gusta las mariposas aventureras
Le gusta las flores dulces
Porque los sentimientos necesitan expresarse

Mi Corazon le gusta lo intellectual
Le gusta el arte de manana
Le gusta la poesia de ayer
Porque ahorra quierre leer tus libros de amor

5/15/08: on love…

comes without asking for it.
i’ve been afraid of it.
i’ve invited the feeling and emotion.
it is possible to love more than once.
it is possible to fall in love with the same person countless times.
“loving somebody is different from being in love with somebody”

usually the first connection/attraction with someon is physical. but the connections that are longer lasting are intellectual and spiritual.

the person i love:
loves life.
loves to dream.
loves to create.
was sent to me by a shooting star.

as a woman, we tend to love or care for our partners (especially men) as if we were there mothers. serving them, making sure they eat, regressing more than necessary, endless devotion, pampering, making sure they feel good. in that process we forget about ourselves. we forget about our dreams, our goals, our freedom.

a partner should motivate and inspire. a partner who loves you should bring you up, belive in you, instill confidence in you.
a person who loves themself can love someone in a healthier manner. you compliment your own love with someone elses. you share love. as opposed to just giving and giving more of you with little to nothing in return.

“you dont have to be rich to rule my world, you don’t have to be cool”

communication between people is a challenge, but it is important to have, especially if you are building. honest communication in any relationship must be practiced.

if intentions are not apparent, be careful. follow your instincts.

“the signs are everywhere”

are you a consumer? or do you create ?

i love.

05.10.09: Searching for the Right Place to Be

“… the journey creates the warrior, not the destination…” – elder @ Bringing the Circle Together.

I realized something important to keep me going without feeling helpless or completely lost as I walk my journey called life.

Last night I headed in the general direction of a place where I wanted to be. In my search for a place to sit with the full moon and meditate with her I found many roads that went up, down, and ended. I had to reverse or turn around in tight corners and find other ways around. I could sense I was near, but it was such a challenge to find the right path that would take me to my destination.

And even after I had arrived, as much as I thought that’s where I wanted to be, I found out that it was no longer the right place.

Coyote at the midnight moonlit hour:

As I drove to a tree stump on the hills of Echo Park, across from Chavez Ravine, a coyote crossed my path. It was lost. I could sense it was frustrated and that it wanted to find a way back to what was safe and familiar. It did not want to be in the middle of the streets running in between parked or running cars. I stopped my car and coyote stood in front of my car. It continued running and I tried calling it back. But coyote had left quickly. He headed out in another direction. I only hope coyote is safe.

I kept driving up only to find four different dead ends. I noticed a helicopter intensely lighting the night sky above me, but I assumed it would leave. It was midnight by the time I found the road that would take me to the tree stump. On that road I drove past three different, creepy souls who walked with white blank faces.  The first one was a woman, she walked slowly and had long gray hair that extend out into the air. The next was a man was watering the bushes across form his house aimlessly. I drove on and parked. The third man, stumbled out of his driveway and zigzagged across the road. Instead of one helicopter, there were  now three scanning the hill across from me. It was not safe. Coyote had warned me. And it was time to follow my instinct and leave the ravine.

One more destination:

I tried one more destination, the cornfields, but I deciding to keep heading North towards the hills of Lincoln Heights. Once again, wrong rights, funny left turns, and more dead ends. But I could still see the place where I wanted to be and it was near. I few more tries and I finally made it. I parked, hiked up, and sat on a hill looking south at the sparkling jewel that is Los Angeles. I thanked my gramma moon, my mother earth, and my ancestors for the lesson they had provided…

The Lesson:

As I set my mind to manifesting my goals, I will come across wrong paths worth taking to learn it is not the way. I can always turn around, but I must be patient with my process, my mistakes, and try another way. I should not get angry, and instead keep hope, faith, and confidence on my side. As long as I have my eyes on the prize, as long as my heart is willing, the right road will always be near. When I finally arrive, my heart, mind, and spirit will know and rest easy with the deal I made with my destiny that has been reconnected.

When I arrived on that moonlit hill, a hawk flew closely above, gliding around in front of me, and with a blink of my eyes, it disappeared into the nights background…

Oil Painting by J. Naudette
Oil Painting by J. Aaudette (click on foto for website)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: