Tag Archives: communication

Letting go of “things”

7 Sep

Letters, phone calls, and hang out time are the original forms of communication. If you want you can add telepathy. This week I left facebook and it already feels like one of the best choices i could have made for myself this year. Its a website with an overload of information that has crowded my thoughts and blinded me from insights. I feel much lighter already and ill keep celebrating this weight loss.

I want to thank my friends who have reached out to share their love through phone calls, emails, and text messages. I genuinely feel people’s good vibe, energy, and words that are being shared with me in ways that existed before infocrak (fbook).

This summer I have given up a number of material possessions such as clothes, books, shoes, unused art supplies, kitchen ware, everything and anything that has not had a function in my life except to crowd space. It was not easy at first, i really feared letting go of things I thought had a deeper meaning or value. Now that I have begun this process, its become easier and easier to continue letting go of things. Its been a surprising process that has rewarded me by making me feel more free. Im learning that as i let go of these material things, i make room for my emotional and spiritual growth. We are attached to “things” because we feel they give us some sort of certainty of our existence. Things provide a memory, e.g., a pair of shoes can remind you of the time you trekked across an unknown city and discovered delicious food, amazing musicians, and dancing floors. I thought that if i threw something out, i was throwing out the memory and meaning of things. But memory is ultimately within. It still exists. And that’s all it needs to be.

I have gifted things too. And this has been the most special. Because once i threw out meaningless things, ive been left with more meaningful items. And giving those up have open my mind and spirit. One, i get to share something beautiful with someone else and this feels good bc there is intention and even prayers within these items. Two, these special items get to go on an adventure and have a new life. And three, it creates possibilities about who I can continue to become. Im realizing that keeping things is maintaining a stagnation of being. Like chi, energy, water, wind, everything has to keep moving and flowing. Like fire and earth i can keep transforming myself to a better me.

Yes, this is good. Let go. Release. Detach.

Gone with the Breeze, color pencil sketch 9.7.12

how do you prove love?

9 Dec

“but ana, i dont get it, how do you prove love?”, asks my high school student as i was driving her home on the 110 freeway.

i answer the way people have said it before, “you just know. its a feeling. love comes from within…”

“but what does that mean, is it like having a soul?”

I thought about my spiritual path and i answered, “well i know i have a soul, my spirit, i can feel it and i connect with it. i cant see it or touch it, but i feel it. thats how love is, i feel it…i’ve loved before, but i have someone in my life right now, and we are in love with each other, and its never felt like this before…”

my student didn’t seem satisfied, she continued, “sometimes i wonder about couples in school. sometimes they look really happy together. and then the next month they don’t even talk to each other anymore. why does that happen ana?”

Why does teenage love last for a week or a month? I thought about my own high school relationships… “i think in high school you might not be mature enough to communicate and understand each other to the point where you work it out past one month”, i answered…

“but how do you prove love…?!?!”

All i could share with her is what I have learned thus far… “love is built on trust. trust is built on honesty and communication. love begins with a friendship. you can’t love someone and not trust them. you can’t love someone and not be able to communicate with them. love needs all these other things to truly exist …” 

she finally seemed satisfied with my answer, “that makes sense…hmmm…”

love doesn’t always make sense. we search for it in other people. hoping that it proves itself by itself. but in my experience, i had to learn who i was more, i’ve had to mature more. i had to learn what i want in another person, what works and what doesn’t. i had to learn how to ask questions and talk about so many unknowns. i’ve gone through relationships where the communication was tense, uncomfortable, and things were buried.

I’ve been trying to love better since my my college relationship. it ended so badly and painfully that i need to make sure to not repeat those mistakes. in the process, i had to also forgive myself. the hardest lesson was figuring out what healthy communication could feel and look like. when healthy, beautiful communication happens between two persons, it’s as if you are sharing your souls with each other. it is an exploration of what lies deep inside one another person. and you present it, bare and raw. it works out when the other person isnt afraid to share theyre ugly and their beautiful. and i’ve learned to be honest about my ugly and my beautiful. its been hard, but i finally found the me who is free to say and do what i want. and the person im in love with, loves my crazyness, my energy, my tears, my past, my future. i am sure ive been loved like this before. but still, something is different, and i can feel it, and it feels like love …