explaining the process takes more than one post

4 Nov

yesterday i bought a journal again. must be my 15th journal. i stopped writing for months now. time flies. i stopped writing online bc everything ive mostly felt like expressing has been personal deciphering of my mind and heart. ive been afraid to express myself. fear that some specific people out there would take my writing wrong. fear that i construct a character that is not me. fear of making my written word become reality. fear that i can’t explain myself after a posting. fear that my truth may not even be real but a fictitious story created only in my mind.

i’ve had the urge to write before tonight. but have held back. 2010 has been a year of much growth. i prayed for wisdom and i’ve received lessons non-stop. am i wiser? learning what i have learned means making i have made my mistakes. it is not easy to show off to the world your mistakes. most everyone is only excited about sharing their triumphs. my mistakes have brought me triumph. explaining the process takes more than one post.

for now i’ll make a list of everything i wish i could talk about. its almost 2AM so i cant write, i have a long day of work tomorrow.

love. childhood trauma. marriage. forgiving. sexuality. feminism. tradition. architecture. art. being a student. muralism. my cat chikis. birth. being responsible. practicing patience. kung fu. my new cell phone. fleas. not having a kitchen. dancing. not dancing. friends. absence. family. being in love, again. prayer. magic. spirit. brujas. voting. october moons.

gnight or gmorning.

One Response to “explaining the process takes more than one post”

  1. Tonio November 11, 2010 at 11:53 AM #

    Great list! Great writings, all i’ve read has been inspirational one way or another.
    Wishin You the best in all your endeavors-present or absent.Keep in touch whenever possible,if possible.Tlazokamatl

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