Its just not that easy

31 Mar

I wish i could love freely without so many expectations attached to it.

first you gotta find out if the person is even into you. not without putting yourself out there first (i guess there’s 2 firsts). so maybe you’re already talking. then you gotta try to read in between the lines. maybe it’s obvious that there’s something going on. but how do you speak that first truth of, “hey, i think you’re pretty funny, can i love you”. and most people dont want to be loved right away. i mean, its a weird question. Id probably smack someone if it came from an unwanted person.

then you finally say it. “i am attracted to you”, or “id love to be your friend, but i want to kiss you” (thats not a friend thing to do, or is it?), or you say whatever line to make a declaration of love (there should be some romance to it, but usually you’re so damn nervous you can’t think of anything right). and then silence. and hopefully the answer on the other side is, “i like you too, lets cuddle”.

love, its just not that easy.

lets say you’ve found someone to love and they love you back. great. but then they have funky attitudes here and there. sometimes they’re possessive or needy and they want to know where you’re at. sometimes they have more maturing and growing up to do and react in unacceptable ways. i.e. yelling and slamming things. sometimes you just cant love them anymore for x amount of reasons. and then the break-up. but before the break up, you need the courage to be honest and truthful with yourself and then the other.

how can romantic love come about with ease? can love be more open and fluid? is there such a thing? is love always complicated? can love be there one day, but gone tomorrow, and back next week? why is Love all over the place and nowhere near all at once? why do we ask for love so much?  can we be ok without it?

love, love, love…

does a healthy relationship mean you have to stay in it? why are we more likely to stay in dysfunctional ones? i have too many questions for Love. i guess im not loving freely and openly. not as much as i preach. maybe the practice of it is a little more intimidating. maybe love takes time to cultivate and time is what i dont have. oooh. ouch.

so i guess it’s not Love’s fault for these dilemmas and complications. Love is always there for all, its just that we make shit difficult with all our insecurities and unhealthy behavior. tomorrow will have to be a different day for me and Love.

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